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Let's Talk AND Let's Play

1/28/2021

 
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Today is Bell Mobility “Let’s Talk” campaign in support of mental health. COVID has taken away so much from our lives. For many it has also taken away those they love. We wear masks. We gather in smaller groups. We stay six feet apart in public places. We wear masks. Our interactions are limited.

Did you know that one of the first ways we play is when a parent smiles and makes facial expressions with his/her child? This is play that teaches us what facial expressions mean and how to express ourselves with our expression. Now we wear masks. One of the most basic playful expressions has been removed from our lives in public.
Many years ago I watched a TED talk with Dr. Stuart Brown. The talk is about Play and how it shapes the brain. In this talk Brown discusses research that demonstrates that a childhood without play leads to serious mental illness. Since I first watched that TED talk and read Dr. Brown's work, I have had a quote at the bottom of my email that says, 

“You can learn more about a person in an hour of play than a lifetime of conversation.”

​"You can learn more about a person in an hour of play than a lifetime of conversation."
~ Plato


This morning as I reflected on my relationships, I was reminded that I am not being very playful. ​
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From Volume 3 of 4 of Vasant Lad's textbooks on Ayurveda.
Yesterday I recounted to my yogi friend how my lips were dry and swollen and I knew I shouldn't be eating salty foods, but I couldn't seem to stop myself. She laughed and said "#23... #23, Crimes against wisdom." Categories of causes of disease according to Vasant Lad. she then shared her own penchant for eating food with gluten even though knowing she is gluten intolerant. We both laughed at our own foibles. We laughed. And I felt like staying. BECAUSE WE LAUGHED.

I can't remember too many times in the past week that I have had a good laugh with someone. Certainly not a belly laugh. Actually I believe the only laughter has been at the expense of myself being forgetful or yet again committed a crime against my own wisdom. Sure I have had some enjoyable moments walking in nature or snuggling my dog, Prim. But not laughter. 
When did you last have one of those full belly laughs that you wondered if you would pee your pants?

I know that being playful builds healthy connection and yet I am taking life so seriously right now. (Just one more crime against wisdom to tally up.) Life feels pretty serious right now. COVID, new lockdowns in Canada, 400,000 dead in the US, a major change in power in the US laden with a very evident divide in values, drop in the stock market, the economic impacts of ten months of restrictions and government bailouts. Do not even get me started on anti-vaxers and conspiracy theorists.

Yup... Life feels pretty serious and heartbreaking.
Feb 10, 2020 - I witnessed the end of my father’s life. In those final days and hours we did not talk about politics, our jobs, the work he did. We talked about the memories of times we laughed. We talked about that time my sister and I went hunting with our dad on Boxing Day and he kept right on going while I struggled to get my little sister out of the mud and retrieve her boot. We laughed about the time I our father had to go into the lake to save us from blowing out further from shore. We laughed about the time he and our mother took us clam digging in Walton. 

These times when we play are the moments that make our life more meaningful. Yes, success in our jobs gives us purpose and a pay check that affords us time to play. But I prefer to remember the time my son and I went climbing in Texas over the memory of sitting in my office in a concrete building looking at a computer screen that resulted in summer camp success. 

Play doesn’t have to be a trip away. We all find play in different ways. Personally I like to explore or to move in my body, which is why climbing has so much appeal to me. according to Dr. Stuart Brown there are eight different play profiles. Here are the eight Dr. Stuart Brown suggests:
  1. Explorer — follow curiosity
  2. Kinesthete — moving the body
  3. Artist — creating 
  4. Storyteller & Actor — using imagination to create entertainment 
  5. Collector — finding and grouping things
  6. Joker — or the trickster
  7. Director — the team captain or coach
  8. Competitor — games with winners and losers

Although these eight separate ways of playing, for many of us we gain enjoyment from all areas, we just have a preference or gain a higher degree of joy from a few more than the others. Just for fun, you may want to consider your own preferences. Take a walk down memory lane to when you were younger and how you enjoyed playing with your friends, the games you played. My son loved being competitive AND telling everyone else how to participate... definitely a competitor and director. And he also loves to go on adventures. Though he seems to have less interest in being the collector unless you count redpoint ascents. 

If you consider these areas of expression, what may be apparent to you relatively quickly is this... they involve more than one person. The only exception may be the kinesthete - the form of play that involves body expression, like dance. However with our new COVID restricted lives, being able to attend a dance class may be more restricted than it has been in the past. 

If any of this resonates with you, the director in me challenges you today to see where you can bring a little play into your day and share in the comments.

Shadow Effect

1/7/2021

 
When the sun beats down on the sand and we stand, facing the sun's light, we create a shadow behind us. There is a part of us that is not in the light.
In the previous post, I referred to a conversation between Brené Brown and Jim Collins in which they mention shadow values. The shadow value refers to the value that you live that may create problems for you, or work against you in some way. 
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Brené Brown cites her own shadow value as the value to be in control. This value can make it difficult for her to accept the work of others, the support of others. 

What is your shadow value?

It can sometimes be difficult to see how we are getting in the way of our own success. Fortunately there are a few ways to get to the heart of the problem. Here are a few of ideas:
  1. What difficult, painful life lessons do I keep experiencing? (credit Rod Stryker)
  2. Suppose some researchers from another country watched you and your behaviours and choices, what would they say were your values? (credit Jim Collins)
  3. Consider someone who knows you well - both in positive light and not so positive light. Through the voice of that person, write your eulogy as if you had died right now. Write the celebratory ideas and the not do flattering and more regretful times. ​The next part of this exercise is to read back through the eulogy and underline or circle the key words, phrases that resonate strongly or strike a nerve. You then use those words to determine what you want and what you do to get it.  (credit Rod Stryker)
  4. If writing a eulogy is not your thing, you could simply remember a moment in your life when you felt that you were working against yourself. If you have had an experience like I have where you are confronted by people being unhappy with you. Once you fully remember that experience, write a poem about it. Similar to the eulogy exercise, read the poem and identify the key words. 

​One of these exercises should work to help you get to the thing you want, core of what it is that gets in the way of performing optimally. Once you get it, take time to reflect on how this has shown up in your life.
  --  Consider how it could show up in the pursuit of your current goal.
  --  Better yet, consider, what is the antidote?
  --  How will you be able to see it happening before it is too disruptive?
​  --  What strategy can you use to support you? 

    Heatherdr
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    Writing, journalling, podcasting... it's all about sharing the journey.

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