Life returns to a different reality. The reality of responsibility. How I long for the time that is not committed to things I do not wish to do. As I continue my prayer, meditation, and reflection each morning, I am constantly reminded I must hurry to get this done so I can get to work on time. At work, I must hurry to get the work done on time. I must hurry home to my dogs, waiting for me for their walk and dinner. Hurry, seems to be the main essence of this reality. The need to hurry takes the bhavana - the actual heart - out of my practice and my life.
Today I awaken, with a cold. Not getting a cold, with a cold. As I walk the dogs through the snow, it is an effort to raise one foot and step forward, then the other. I come home and lay down on the couch. Can I go to work? Should I go to work? I think of the things needing to be done today. I can see the compulsion to go to work is driven from fear. Fear of not making enough money, fear of not being valued. Fear of letting people down. While I was away, these fears were not driving my pace. Choice is a powerful tool. Do I chose fear? Or love? And with love must come faith.
What would you choose?