The other day I started to make a recipe from a cookbook I love - Oh She Glows, by Angela Liddon. I had thought about this recipe while in the grocery store the day before but I wasn't 100 percent confident what kind of nuts it required or how much. None the less, I arrived home with some pecans and the intention to make the chocolate espresso torte. Turns out it called for hazelnuts, not pecans. Undeterred, I went forward and pulled the items together. This concoction is now sitting in my freezer awaiting judgement.

It might be alright, but then again, it might not. If not, I wasted lots of chocolate, nuts, and time which could have been avoided if I had only done a little homework on the preparation side. This rule of thumb is a good one to follow when it comes to resolutions and planned changes for a "better you" in 2025. First, let's agree that you are enough at the starting point, but for where you wish to go, you will need to apply some effort.

A needs assessment is the first step in any project plan. Finding out where you are starting is essential to ensuring you can get to where you want to go and how long it might take you, not to mention the flavours you may encounter along the way. Specifically, what you need to know depends on the goal. If you have been reading along with previous posts and you know what gives you sense of purpose, and you know that the intention behind the purpose you have chosen is coming from a place of positivity, then you are off to a great start when it comes to conducting the needs assessment. 

Let's say the resolution is to be conducting work or volunteering in the capacity which provides you with fulfillment. When you ask what your strengths are, consider how prepared you are to walk into a volunteer or paid role to provide the service. You determine you want to be a routesetter or a climbing coach, what skills do you already possess which make you a candidate for the role?Similarly, what are the skills or experience you lack? This may be some pretty tangible things like you have done no formal training in this area. Or it could be that your level of performance is limited. Note these observations in a written list and note the possibilities for overcoming any items you believe you are lacking. 

Next, and this is very important, consider how much time and at what frequency you can work on these limits and develop skills and experience. Be realistic. There is always the ideal and then there is reality. If you establish expectations which are too idealistic you will increase the chance you will begin to fail and once you experience some challenge or disappointment, it becomes much harder to reignite the motivation. Jim Collins in his book, Good to Great, refers to the flywheel analogy. When you begin to push on a flywheel, it takes a lot of effort to get it spinning. Once it is in motion, it requires a lot less effort to keep it in motion. This is what you want for your plan... the expectation that you can put in the effort required to get it going, and then as it requires less effort you can apply some access energy to another element of your plan.

Humans are creatures of habit. The brain loves to repeat actions we are comfortable with. Notice whether you tend to use the same pattern when you brush your teeth with the brush going to the same quadrant of your mouth, followed by a natural move to the next quadrant. Try to switch and notice how it breeds confusion, or a sense of "that's not right." Whatever action your plan will involve needs time to become a habit. Making that habit easy to achieve is key to success. Consistency is essential. You brush your teeth every day and because it is a daily ritual, it becomes engrained easily and feels odd if you cannot brush your teeth. Consistency of effort toward improvement makes the habit develop more quickly, resulting in it taking less effort to sustain.

Essential to continued success is success. 
Now it is time to put measurements for success into this equation. You will note, I have not used the infamous SMART goal description in all of this resolution setting. I do agree it is important to know where you want to go and to have some tool for knowing you have been successful. However, success and fulfillment is a feeling, not a number. If you take a moment to consider how you felt when your life had meaning, it is often not something which can be measured easily. Visualize yourself feeling the feeling of fulfillment and the events which made it possible. For me, when I see someone suddenly know that they can do something they once thought was impossible, and I helped them see it, that is the greatest feeling of fulfillment. To write a goal that states people have aha moments as a result of my help would be contingent on things way outside my control and it is not specific enough. My vision in my mind of my role in providing the experience is the guide to writing a smart goal like I have successfully completed the delivery of a weekly mentorship program for coaches, delivered to ten participants who now feel better prepared to coach. It is through the mentorship that I get the feeling of fulfillment. The goal is tangible. The feeling stems from the successful implementation of the goal. 

With a goal which sets me up to have the fulfillment experience, I now can identify all the ducks I need to put in a row to make the goal a reality. I need to find an audience. I need to figure out the platform. I need to design the program. I need to market the program. I need to fill the seats. Each of these objectives will assist me to get where I am going. These are each the continuous successes which enable me to stay the course toward the goal.

When times get hard, you need the VISION. The visualization of you experiencing the success makes it possible to your mind when things get hard. Embody as many of the senses as you can in the vision of fulfillment. Practice the vision everyday. 

Visualization is not enough. You must also consider what are some unexpected things which may get in the way. For example, in my work, I sometimes need to travel. Travelling can really throw my schedule out the window. I need to plan for these events AND plan to give myself a brief respite or recovery period from the execution of my plan OR I need to shift the plan to incorporate the travel disruption. Whether the event that gets in the way prevents you from practicing or merely plays on your level of confidence, it is helpful to have a plan for how you may handle it. You would not plan an expedition to a mountain peak and not plan for inclement weather... at least hope you would not. Have a plan for how you will handle the things that may side track you. You do not hit one of your objectives as planned. Now what?

One of the best supports to success can be a person who is your cheerleader. When things get tough it can be the best option to reach out to the cheerleader to let you listen to yourself figure out what is the next best step for you. This is why people have coaches... the coach is trained to listen and reflect back what the person needs to hear. 

Things never do go according to plan. Adaptability should be part of the plan. Never expected to be a climbing coach. What started as a research project for me turned into a career coaching clients and writing articles and books. These things could only happen because I was willing to change my mind about where I would be and what I would do. Be open to what comes. Allow it to change you if it takes you where you will feel fulfilled. 

So... staying motivated is key. In the upcoming post, learn some strategies to keep you going. And comment to let us know how it is going.

Five years ago over Christmas my family was learning of my father's terminal illness. There were many trips to and from Kentville. Many discussions and a whole lot of grief. Holidays can bring grief to many, mingled in the attempts to experience joy. For some these ghost of the past animate unforgiven hurts. Some it is the pain of loss, for others the pain of fear for what will come or not come to be. 

Ruminating on my own grief and sorrow before stepping out to meet others, my question is this... I am giving away what I long for the most. That is the only step to healing. I cannot know or even affect how others interpret our shared history, my words and deeds, but I can give myself what I long for from others. I can fill my loss with a sense of wonder and abundance. I can give forgiveness and joy without expectation.

To grieve in this season is to know you have loved. To ​reduce the reactive part of the mind that wants to be right, be safe and never lose, try the following:

• Move your body in a way that puts your attention on the movement.
• Get out into nature and be attentive to the perfect imperfection of it. The expansiveness of nature. 
• Reflect on resilience of trees to endure the seasons and the reabsorption into the earth.  
• Create space for quiet. This will help reduce the reactive part of the mind that wants to be right, be safe and never lose.
• Slow down and look for the beauty in each person you meet. 
• Focus on an intention - an intention for contentment, joy, peace, balance - you choose.
• Visualize yourself acting, speaking, moving in the way that you wish to be.

Interestingly, each of these steps are the same an athlete uses to foster the right mindset before a big event to set themselves up to perform at their best. They visualize how they will move, the potential challenges and they prepare. Prepare yourself and you will know you have done your best. 

The two previous posts have asked you to consider what gives you a sense of fulfillment, purpose. If you know or think you know, you are part way to having the fulfillment feeling. To get all the way there, it is important to consider what is driving you. Or who is driving you?

Remember the cartoons with the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other? Well the devil is fear and the angel is faith in something greater than ourself. Fear wants to keep us safe from the criticism of others, from judgement and hatred. The angel wants us to shine, driven from a light or fire within. Some of the great climbers I have known have modelled this beautifully... always driven by the process, not the outcome. 

Grab your journal and a pen. Begin to compile a list of things you get out of doing what you are doing - all the things including Netflix or Apple TV. You can separate out the relationship things and the career things as you go. With each of you daily choices, habits, notice where it lies. Do you brush your teeth because you are 'supposed' to? Or because you care about your health? Did you send that text with an intention to give? Or to get?
Then review and calculate how much of your time is spent in the should side of the ledger and how much is driven by a higher purpose or a purpose beyond your self satisfaction - health, integrity, passion for something, love, adventure. 

For years I have noted those many amazing athletes I have known and considered that what drives them must be very self serving - especially those who have children and will put their lives in harms way. But now I have a deeper understanding of that same passion. Being able to express themselves through movement or through competition with themselves actually allows them to challenge what is considered the limit and it demonstrates to others, inspires others, to do the same with their own limits. It is a higher purpose. 

During a stay at the Himalayan Institute in Honesdale, PA, gathered with other women sharing our aspirations, it occurred to me that the challenge I was facing was a "what's next" question. With my body changing and no longer as reliable and familiar, my work had changed, and my family connections had changed. I was not yet settled with all of these changes and I did not know what was coming next. 

I have known and worked in the world of purpose for my entire life. I teach, I instruct, I coach, I mentor and I write about improvement. All forms of expression allowing me to support others as they reach for a new prospect or potential. It has filled me with joy and fulfillment. I was a flight attendant and during my short stint in that career, I challenged my colleagues to rest enough and eat as healthily as possible while in the air and on the layovers. 
I taught canoeing, skating, climbing, yoga. I worked in outdoor recreation, teaching camp games, no trace skills for the outdoors. I would enter into competitions and end up spending my time coaching others rather than focusing on my own performance. I knew from a young age I wanted to teach. 

I relied heavily on my body to teach others how to be in and capitalize on the capacity or potential capacity of their own body. Now I no longer knew my own body. I no longer trusted it to do what I wanted, to be able to get stronger or better. Age and injury had taken a high toll. So what was next if I couldn't rely on my body? And what was the point of sticking around this place we call earth if I could not do the things that I had reaped so much joy and fulfillment from in the past?

In the previous post, I challenged you gentle reader, to write about the accomplishments in your life which have given you meaning. The things that when death comes, you will be remembered for, or which you wish to be remembered for. If you have completed this activity, go back through the text and write the statement in the form of a declaration. In my case, my statement would sound like: I challenge and coach, designing the path for others to shine.
When I am in the best expression of this mission, I am working as if we are both looking toward overcoming the obstacles. At my worst, I am fighting with someone to try. Rather than looking in the same direction, it feels I am looking forward toward their potential best and they have turned their back on that and are looking at me. They have no interest or faith in the vision I see.

Isn't it interesting that ​when confronting my own challenges, I am my own worst coachee.
I turn my back to potential and possibility and argue that it just isn't possible or fair.

Many years ago I listened to Eve Ensler give a talk and the summary statement was, "when we give away what we long for the most, we heal a part of ourselves." When I give away that combined challenge and support, I am giving away what I long for the most - a partner in the chaos. 
Here's today's challenge...
Look at your declaration, consider when you are shining and being your best. Now when is it the opposite for you? When is it just not working? Where are you the most resistant to what you love to give to others?

Uncover Your Achilles Heel
To help you uncover this little secret, set up to record a video in the camera app on your phone. Look at the camera and record while you lament the moments of the past where you have resisted life, things felt impossibly hard. Talk it out with yourself. Let it all just flow. No need to make a coherent argument or have a list of bullet points, there is not even a need to finish a sentence. Consider aloud a moment where you struggle(d) to shine.

As you describe this moment and how you are thinking and feeling, acting, notice what your alter ego wants to say to you. There is a teacher within you who knows the walls you are putting up and why. They get the fears, deep seated belief you hold that holds you in handcuffs. Or worse, the handcuffs are off and you are in self destruct mode.
​
I can easily recall my feelings in that gathering of women where I sounded like a wounded animal whimpering about my losses and defeats, fears and envies. And one voice said, "you just haven't found the new expression of that purpose yet." That statement cut through my self pity and spurred me forward with curiosity.
What is that new expression of this way I serve?
I am still looking, but now I have my face turned toward possibility instead of my back to it.