Avoiding the Pitfalls

The above diagram has been adapted from multiple sources. I was introduced to the primary source by Sonnie Trotter at his keynote talk at the 2025 Summit in Salt Lake City. I had the pleasure of attending his book launch event at Patagonia Halifax store and was reintroduced. The blue curve was extended on the left side in a downward arc in his representation. The idea is that we decide on some goal or aspiration and we are niave and unaware of the what it will take to get to the fruit of our endeavour. This could be some great route we wish to climb or it could just be as daunting as navigating a global pandemic. We don't know what we don't know, but if we are like some of the folks I know, you have a glass half full attitude about the prospect and you dive into the pursuit of the goal. Remember all the folks sharing their bread making recipes in 2020.

As things move along and we gain more insight into what this is really going to mean our enthusiasm for the pursuit begins to fade. We feel the heat of the challenge and begin to question our decision to pursue this goal. This stage in Sonnie's diagram was called conscious pessimism begins to arise and lead us downward to the pit of despair. In the pit of despair, decisions must be made. We can wallow around in the pit waiting to be saved, or numbing our experience with distractions, some just exit right to the next shiny thing and put the whole previous pursuit into some locked cabinet in the memory bank. This is indicated by the red dashed line in the diagram above.

The red dashed line option is not a great option because there is always this little part of us that knows we walked away and it continues to quietly nag us in those quiet moments. See my post featuring Herm G and Rifle, Colorado.

If we persist when it is hard and challenging, we slowly can progress back into the realm of optimism and success. Even if not successful in the pursuit, we can learn from the experience and that learning can lead us to different successes and informed choices.
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This feeling of overcoming - is what shows us our character, our strength, our abilities, and our own beauty. ​

Bear in mind, sometimes that pit of despair is the result of some unexpected and external shove from the universe reminding us of our mortality and the loss we as humans inevitably face. I do not intend here to undervalue those shoves. More about that later.

True freedom and riches in life are found in what we work for, not what we gain.

The pitfalls are an opportunity to try harder. They give us a chance to ask for help, to stretch beyond what is comfortable. It is not as important how you get there - it could be a betrayal, an injury, or just bad luck - but it is a place where we decide who we want to become. Do we want to quit? Do we want to try harder?

What are the right goals and pursuits?
I will ask in turn, how do you want to express yourself in the world?
Or put another way, how do you want to be remembered?
​If you want to be seen as wise and knowledgeable, your expression may be through teaching or writing. If you want to be seen as kind and generous, your expression may be through helping others. If you want to be seen as curious and resilient, you may put yourself into new adventures and pursue that which has never been achieved before. If you want to be seen as protective and strong, you may put yourself into positions where others need your strength.
Many lives are lived from a place of survival - putting enough food on the table, roof over head and maybe enough left over for some enjoyment. Pursuing something other than those things may seem daunting - but it is worth the effort. 

Determine how you want to be seen with this little reflection exercise.
Close your eyes and bring to mind a time when you felt proud that you had overcome something challenging or that you had accomplished something special. This could be a memory from when you were a child, or in any realm. It does not need to be specific to work or career. 
Take a few minutes to fully relive the experience of the pursuit and the result. Who were you with? How were you expressing yourself? What was the real accomplishment for you? Was it overcoming? Being generous?
Now open your eyes and write the experience on a piece of paper through the lens of what made it so special. What was it about how you showed up that was so significant?
Now go back through what you wrote and circle the key words that stand out to you. Put those words into a sentence that begins with, I must _____________________ in the world. Fill in the blank. The sentence structure may change, but there has to be a description of how you must express yourself. For example: I must share knowledge and wisdom with the world. 

Don't give up the day job and try to be something you are not. Start by implementing this higher level goal in your day to day pursuits. If I must share my wisdom, then I can spend a few hours a month to write something to help others. I can teach or lead whether I get paid for it or not. What you may find is that opportunities arise from the pursuit. And eventually you will continue to either be successful or learn in the process. 

IMPORTANT THINGS TO REMEMBER
If being in the pit and continuing the pursuit is going to lead to your death or serious harm, get out. Exit with the red dashes and establish new goals for a better pursuit. If you are in an abusive relationship and being harmed, don't stay in the pit. Don't wait for help. Get out and get help to move toward a better life. In fact, if the pit involves any self destructive behaviour, get out. That will be hard enough, but you must get out.

Sometimes the pit is just a feeling of being not enough for everyone. Being a failure - get support to lift yourself out of the pit and find the goals which allow you to rebuild your character, your strength.