Curiosity is a balm

Curiosity & practice calm the stress response. When pain or fear strikes, get curious and try something new.

In 2015, I closed the business I operated for a short time. Changes to the building meant the business would not be sustainable and rather than wait for the inevitable ruin, I took the leap to stop before more money was invested. I was lost. I was afraid. I was sad. I felt humiliated - stupid for having taken on what would be an inevitable failure because I did not ask the right questions. It was a dark time. I felt so empty and alone that even as things happened around me, I experienced them as if I was separate from them, witnessing them from a distance. It was a period of being so numb, I did not really experience joy or anxiety... just empty. ​

The interesting thing was that this meant everything also felt like I was experiencing it without judgement. People wanted to come to me for yoga, I found a space and offered classes. A friend suggested a trip, just us to pull me from my darkness. I dropped the fears about ever being able to retire and said yes. My old job opened up and I was the successful hire. Really? I thought, I am back here? What am I supposed to be learning?

With the passing of years, and a little stability financially, I learned a number of things. 

• Ask better questions.
• Believe in the value you bring and stand up for yourself.
• Regardless of the number of times I have failed, fallen, I have also been able to pick myself up and move forward usually a little better off. 
• A little faith, a lot of curiosity and the implementing what you learn is the recipe for resilience.

The questions are critical. Never ask a why question. 
Why is this happening to me? That question will give you a lot of self critical thoughts, or defense of your own character responses. Neither of which will get you forward. 

What am I meant to learn from this situation? This sparks reflection on what you have learned. Understanding new learning means you can now apply the new learning to future choices. 
How do I want to move forward? What do I want to do next? What will get me where I want to go?
These questions -- "what" and "how" -- open the mind to what is right now and what is next.

Am I happy? Leads to a yes or no. Which is only helpful to know if the next question is what is making you happy or unhappy?

Elizabeth Gilbert uses the question, Dear Love, what do you want me to know... and you can fill in the blank with something like about pain, or about this particular situation. Although it is offered in a different way, the question offers the same opportunity. 
CURIOSITY

When the mind is redirected from pain, from negative thoughts, and onto something with a sense of curiosity, the sympathetic nervous system response is less noisy. Curiosity activates a more parasympathetic response in the nervous system. Curiosity turns on the prefrontal cortex in a need or desire to figure something out - to problem solve and this in turn, reduces the stress response. 

Part 2... practice what you learn.
Once you ask the question... what is making me happy, it is then important to continue to try to implement the answer and test whether it is actually the correct answer. Or what are the nuances to the answer which can refine the wisdom?
​This is practice, or more specifically, deliberate practice.

When curiosity is being practiced, the parasympathetic nervous system is more active. Test it. Get curious about whether this rings true for you.