Inhale Confidence Exhale Doubt

I volunteered to help with the Youth Bouldering Regionals here in NS recently. I was tasked with monitoring isolation. When a climber is getting ready to go climb, they first sit in isolation which is an area where they cannot see the climbs. It is an opportunity to get mentally prepared. They have had the opportunity to see the routes - there are four or five - and in isolation they can mentally rehearse the moves. 

Once they go out and try to climb one route for four or five minutes, they come back to isolation and wait while another group is out. When the time is up, they go out and attempt the second route. This repeats until they have tried all four or five routes. 

As each athlete returned to isolation, their experiences was very much written on their faces. There were some faces marred in suffering and some with smiles. Some were very intense and others more relaxed. The coach in me wanted to support those feeling the suffering. I wanted to say, "breath in confidence, exhale doubt. Focus on the next route, forget the last one - let it go." 

We all come into the world with our individual, unique nature. This nature plus the nurturing we get will shape how we experience every boulder, every situation. 

In the world of yoga, these patterns of mind are called samskaras. The more we repeat a pattern of thinking, the stronger it gets. The more we contemplate self-doubt or a need to defend ourselves, the more we see a need to defend. The work then is to reframe, change the story. Where one may feel unsuccessful or they should have done better, one must reframe the narrative to focus on where they were successful or how there is a process of elimination or failure which informs success and thus this experience is necessary to becoming more successful.  In a nutshell, look to the process for answers, not the outcome. 

This works in social situations as well. A number of years ago, I was chastised by a family member. Some unkind things were said and I shut myself away from the person. However, that was only a temporary option because a large family gathering was planned. I considered how was I going to show up to this first encounter after these unkind words and difference of opinion. I did not feel I deserved the comments, and that my opinion mattered, but words from Wayne Dwyer came into my consciousness - be happy, not right.

To approach this person with the need to be right, validated in some way, I would not be happy. It would probably result in more conflict. I choose to consider our first encounter as an opportunity for positivity, happiness, and connection. I made it my mission to make people smile and engage in laughter. I meandered the family clan taking selfies with people and a focus on celebrating each of them.

I ended up having a pretty good time. I ended up with more connection and some great pics. The issue between this family member and myself was over, never spoke of again. Some may think I should have fought back, but one thing I have learned is the need to be right leads to war. Whether that is war within myself or with someone else. Focusing on connection leads to a truce at the very least.