Joy and Grief

Five years ago over Christmas my family was learning of my father's terminal illness. There were many trips to and from Kentville. Many discussions and a whole lot of grief. Holidays can bring grief to many, mingled in the attempts to experience joy. For some these ghost of the past animate unforgiven hurts. Some it is the pain of loss, for others the pain of fear for what will come or not come to be. 

Ruminating on my own grief and sorrow before stepping out to meet others, my question is this... I am giving away what I long for the most. That is the only step to healing. I cannot know or even affect how others interpret our shared history, my words and deeds, but I can give myself what I long for from others. I can fill my loss with a sense of wonder and abundance. I can give forgiveness and joy without expectation.

What do you need to fill my cup with the capacity to show up with love.

• Self care
• Self forgiveness
• Empathy for your grief and loss
• Love for myself​

If you have ever had the thought, "I am not enough, I am not strong enough." If you have ever angered at someone else for something they said or did, you have given them power over you. You gave their thoughts and words more power than your own. You are human. There is some healing to be done.​

To grieve in this season is to know you have loved. To ​reduce the reactive part of the mind that wants to be right, be safe and never lose, try the following:

• Move your body in a way that puts your attention on the movement.
• Get out into nature and be attentive to the perfect imperfection of it. The expansiveness of nature. 
• Reflect on resilience of trees to endure the seasons and the reabsorption into the earth.  
• Create space for quiet. This will help reduce the reactive part of the mind that wants to be right, be safe and never lose.
• Slow down and look for the beauty in each person you meet. 
• Focus on an intention - an intention for contentment, joy, peace, balance - you choose.
• Visualize yourself acting, speaking, moving in the way that you wish to be.

Interestingly, each of these steps are the same an athlete uses to foster the right mindset before a big event to set themselves up to perform at their best. They visualize how they will move, the potential challenges and they prepare. Prepare yourself and you will know you have done your best.