Just Keep Shining

I was asked to talk about my experience as a woman in the climbing industry on two separate occasions recently. I attempted to formulate my experience into some very short presentation, and all I could come up with is to summarize it as Meryl Streep said better than I could every articulate. I have learned to speak men. Meaning, I have learned how to listen to what men are trying to say, intend and then to find a way to articulate my ideas so they can hear them. 

The first words out of my mouth when I found out I was pregnant, "please dear God, a boy." In my experience, boys were of greater value. My parents actually jumped with glee, long distance phone calls were made when my brother was born. I was supposed to be a boy and it was wanted so badly, no female name was considered. I was raised in this world that saw men as children of higher value.

As a youth, I wanted to be a boy. I saw that boys were trusted more, given more freedom and more slack. Boys got to mow lawns and be physically active and girls were supposed to be lady like, quiet and helpful. Boys were expected to get dirty and did not have to do dishes or wash floors, vacuum. Boys got to use tools and learn to drive. I was not allowed to do these things.

I internalized this message about boys being better. I had also had over three decades of lived experience as a woman. I had experienced men trying to force themselves on me and had learned how to avoid those situations, how to protect myself in those situations. I had learned to navigate being told I would never be as good as a man. I had used that knowledge to my advantage, pretending not to know about septic systems with the plumbing inspection man, when in fact I new exactly what the situation was and what was required. 
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It's what women do to navigate the world where men get paid better than women for the same work. Where men have better opportunities for jobs than women do. Where there are more men in the room, or at the crag, than there are women. Many men would struggle to master full time work, cooking, cleaning, and single parenting with homework and getting to the sports, friend dates, and yet countless women do this every day.

Wes Moore, in his book, The Work, defines code switching as changing our demeanour, our tone, our language, in order to fit into a situation, or make ourselves feel safer in the company of others. One of the results of my own code switching in the climbing industry is that I feel like an imposter when confronted with a room full of men and male opinion.

I hired a male to routeset in the facility I ran. As I reviewed a route he was setting, I noticed a move that required a pretty big reach. I expressed the idea that perhaps we should add a foothold or a small hold that could be used to add to the dynamic movement required for a shorter person. He argued, it was fine and so and so could do it. FYI so and so is five foot eight. Most female climbers are shorter than five foot eight. My argument was not that the move was impossible, it was that the move was biased to a taller person. Despite my masters in kinesiology, and my thirty year climbing coaching and setting career, he dismissed my ideas. I could tell I was not able to say this in a way that he would hear. Despite knowing that my experience was favouring me as right, I still had the thought, "Maybe I don't know. Maybe I am just irrelevant now. Maybe I am just an imposter."

What I hope for other women is that when you hear that voice that questions you and your skill, your knowledge, your value... and I hope you question it. I hope you ask yourself, "What do I know? What can I contribute here?" And I really hope you remember these words... "Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do." ~John Wooden. Do not let the opinion or attitudes of others interfere with what you know is right for you. It may be hard(er), it may be disappointing, it may be unfair. But you will always remember what you walked away from with regret. You just never know what awaits you on the other side of the discomfort if you let it stop you. Even if you fail to get there, you know you are strong, brave and you tried and really that's all any of us can do at any time in any endeavour.