No Control

Photo by Merrilee Schultz on Unsplash

In the wee hours of this morning I strained to hear the rain. It has been months of minimal rain and an extreme drought. The leaves rippled on the wind, the moisture could be felt on the breeze, but no sound of rain. The minutes ticked by and I waited, hoping, wanting the rain to fall. Frustration built and agitated my tension, scaring away any inkling of sleep.  

In the Yoga world, this suffering is the result of the kleshas or afflictions. the kleshas consist of five elements; desire for something, resistance to something, sense of "I am", attachment, and fear of death. Resistance to a drought and desire for rain were keeping my mind active in the early morning. 

Interestingly, we do not always notice these how these afflictions are animating in our experience of the world. The goal of Yoga, meditation, breath work, and numerous other mind-body-breath connecting practices is to bring our attention to the animation and then allow us to release the desire for control. 

I found myself wanting different outcomes from conversations I have had in the past few weeks, resisting what someone said, or desiring them to tell me something. Noticing that I am personalizing their thoughts as an attack on my values and thoughts, or my "I amness". Harder to release these perceived attacks because they threaten ones very identity or sense of being respected and valued. 

I think in our current political climate this "I amness" is being challenged continuously. But how does one release ones sense of self and worthiness? Perhaps one doesn't. Perhaps it is about being curious about the value in the other person's perspective. 

Life is so very full of opportunities for self examination. I recently took my ego to archery. After an afternoon of writing about teaching tips, I was very frustrated by the approach this instructor took. The instruction was limited to here's where you stand, here's the signal to shoot. Here's the signal to walk down and look at your shots. Then wait your turn. I was frustrated there wasn't more instruction on how to hold the bow, how to aim. In fact the feedback I received had my shot go wide by two feet. 

I gleefully expostulated to  my neighbour the horrible approach to instruction the next day, firmly establishing the idea that is wasn't my fault I did not do well. It was the poor quality of the instruction. 
But, what if I had been curious? What if I had considered this Trial and Error approach as a positive engagement approach of discovery, making each good shot have more value because it was completely my own accomplishment?

What if I looked for the wins, not just the criticism? Criticism leads to resistance and that roar of the ego about how I am right and the other is wrong. If I had looked for where this approach was right, would I suffer less?

Try it. Notice a situation that frustrates you or causes you to feel small. Or even notice a desire for something that perhaps you know you shouldn't have. The solution is to get curious about what you are experiencing, where you are physically sensing the desire or the suffering. Get curious about which of the afflictions is in play. And then look for the wins, the learning, or the opportunity. 

​Let me know how it goes.