Permission and Dignity

An interesting evening of speakers promoting their ideas on approaches to our health systems in need of changing. An impassioned argument about providing housing being a foundation for dignity pricked up my ears. I was recently listening to Arthur C Brooks who defined dignity as a feeling of being needed. 

The etymology of the word dignity is dignus meaning worthy. We use dignity in the context of something being beneath ones dignity or sense of self esteem or respect. Dignity may also be used in the context of something of nobility or stateliness. Clearly someone who suffers from the inability to house themselves may very well feel a lack of worthiness or nobility. 

There was another speaker who spoke about permission. As a woman who manages a good deal of work and responsibilities, she spoke of the value of giving herself permission to say no to things and yes to her own need for rest. She added to this the environment which supported her right to say no - a community in which she felt valued, but a shared responsibility with others. In other words, she had support from her community to say yes to her own needs and desires. 

Yet another speaker spoke about navigating a transition in his life where he lacked a sense of purpose. He had suffered loss and trauma and eventually found his way back to purpose through therapy, providing a space to others to produce art.
Another speaker spoke of the value of nature as a environment for healing, for seeing the world and oneself differently. Coupled with an architect noting the importance of how the physical space impacts the experience of the health care system.

Where does dignity start?
From those we surround ourselves with?
From the external environment; nature, comfort?
Do we need to give ourselves permission to experience it?
Does it come from having a sense of passion and purpose?
Perhaps the answer is simply, yes, all of the above.

Many years ago I read a book about the Drama Triangle. The Drama Triangle was introduced in 1968 by psychiatrist Stephen B Karpman to describe relationships between people. The three elements of the triangle are the victim, the perpetrator, and the rescuer. The victim is the person harmed. The perpetrator or persecutor is the person who is responsible for inflicting harm, and the rescuer is the person who steps in to support the victim. The goal of each role is to gain power in the relationship.
Who has power over your own sense of dignity? 

For so many of us we are the persecutor in our own lives. The environment in which we live is one of noticing what we did wrong and providing self recrimination for our choices. For some, the lens is pointed outward into the world and all that the world is doing to persecute them undeservedly. In either case, personal power is being given away. When we feel shame or guilt, disgust with ourselves, we are believing that we are bad - there is something wrong with ourself. But the truth is we made a bad choice. Can we forgive ourselves for making a wrong choice and then create our own internal environment that allows us to do better? Alcoholics Anonymous works because of the environment of support and forgiveness afforded those who have made bad decisions. 

I absolutely agree there are people who are dismissive of others, even downright offensive and disrespectful toward others. Persecutors are so caught in their beliefs and ideas there is no room to hear or hold the space for someone whose opinion or ideas differ from theirs. While it is offensive and hurtful, even harmful, giving ones power to those people just re-victimizes the victim. It diminishes ones joy and sense of happiness and freedom. To feel compassion for one who cannot see beyond their own small world is the greatest power.

Do you give yourself permission to feel compassion for your enemies? Especially when that enemy is yourself?
Do you give yourself permission to forgive your mistakes and sense your own worthiness?
Do you give yourself permission to live a life where your purpose is to serve yourself first?
Do you give yourself permission to experience the beauty in the world around you, at least as much as you see it's ugliness?