Persistence

This morning I stumbled across this article: Why Can't You Just Deal With It published in the New Yorker. Not only was it an amazing salve for my own suffering, it was just a lit bit inspiring. There is a reason that we can no longer tolerate discomfort - or that we are worse at tolerating discomfort. Our world has given us just about everything we desire when we desire it, to the point that when a plane has a mechanical issue we feel entitled to a brand new plane gassed up and ready to go to take its place. We do not do the additional mental leap to discern whether that thought is ridiculous. We do not consider what would the cost of our plane ticket need to be to have two planes sitting at the airport waiting for the same flight just in case something happened to the other plane. We want our discomfort ameliorated in some way. 

When I grew up you went berry picking and you would not be leaving until all the berries were picked and the bucket was full. There was no reward or prize, you just did it because it was expected of you and if you didn't pick berries, you would sit in the car and wait for it to get done. No reward, no remediation if you were unhappy. So you did what helped get you home faster... you picked the damn berries and enjoyed the pie later. When you are an eight year old, it is understandable to not be inspired to pick berries on a weekend. A child's goal is to play with your friends. A parent's goal is about feeding a family healthy foods in an economical way.

How do you develop the mental toughness to do the things you don't want to do?

• Get uncomfortable
• Persistence
• Accept the consequences
• Persistence
• Move to the next level of discomfort

Getting outside the comfort zone is an essential first step. Sometimes we are willing to step out of the comfort zone to get some end result we long for and sometimes we wait to be pushed. I see this frequently with athletes who have to make changes to how they move in order to develop better strength in order to prevent injury. But taking a step backward and retraining differently is hard to do... it doesn't have the same rewards as pushing through to the next level or staying on the level we have conquered. The athlete who refuses to retrain will end up with one of two consequences... they will plateau in performance or they will get injured. Both lead to no longer participating for a period of time. 

Persistence is a effort applied over time. That means there are two key elements to persistence, time and effort. To be persistent one must expect to put in continuous effort and be patient for the results. I know I certainly suffer from the inability to be patient at times. Angela Duckworth would add that the effort applied must also be deliberate and with the intention for improvement or increased understanding. It is not just putting in time.

Acceptance is another big word thrown around the spiritual world. Sometimes there is no moving away. There is no fix. We cannot change the past, we can only move forward in this moment. As a human being I can tell you this has been a challenge. My son is off doing things I would rather he didn't, but he is an adult and he gets to make these decisions. As an aging person, my body's ability to do the things is could do are diminishing and it really doesn't make me very happy. So I can rally against these things or I can be with them as they are. I can sit with my son when I can and appreciate what I can do or be annoyed and upset by what I can't do. The same is true with anything in life. You can choose to see the good where you are or you can focus on what you resist. 

When you put your energy into resistance, you burn your fuel and perhaps you don't get where you want to go. I can put my energy into trying to change my son's mind and decisions, but that will probably not give me the relationship I want. I can put my energy into staying strong and the perfect body size despite menopause, but that is not going to mean I am happy. Because menopause is so much more than just body size, metabolism, and strength. It is also changing relationships, mental focus, relevance in ones career, it is gut biome, and so much more. And inevitably there will be death and quite probably illness before death no matter what I do about this menopause thing. Learning to make friends with where I am - that is the goal. The best athletes I have known have been able to make friends with where they are and just keep working from there. 

Persist some more once you make friends with where you are. Acceptance doesn't mean I should give up and wait to die. It means I book the flights to visit my son and plan fun with him while I can. It means I do the activities I enjoy while I physically can and I continue to eat properly and take care of myself as I can. It's all part of working with what you have when you are persisting. Working with folks who want to improve in a sport and balance family life and career, I would say the same thing... do what you can when you can and don't sacrifice the other things that matter too. 

There is no end. With mental toughness the game doesn't end when you get to the objective. The game continues with a next level objective. In other words, an objective is part of some much bigger picture goal which has a world reaching positive impact. The goal may be to reduce the numbers of people who suffer from cancer, one of the many objectives is to find a cure.

If your goals are small, they really won't be that meaningful or inspiring. Inspiration fuels persistence. If my desire for navigating menopause is to feel better, as soon as I start to feel better, I will stop persisting in the things that help me feel better. If my goal is to figure out how to best navigate menopause so I can help other women as they make this transition, then I am more likely to stay focused on doing the things which help and the continual discovery along the way.