Post Period Depression

As a professional climber in the 90's my life I spent my time living out of a vehicle and moving between a month spent climbing in one of the many fantastic climbing areas and then a month working and bringing in some revenue for the next trip. I loved the freedom of time to explore and project something inspiring. Usually I would be successful before the month end arrived and we would head off for some money making.

Early in the climbing game, my partner at the time headed off on a trip to Smith Rocks with another climber while I stayed home and tried to complete my academic work. My partner was wildly successful. He had a goal to climb 5.13b and instead he sent two 5.13b's and a 5.13b/c while in Smith. He return to our home grateful, but also a little morose. This mood persisted and soon he was contemplating giving up climbing.  

We named this condition post road trip depression, but really it is something anyone who achieves a huge goal will experience. The university degree is obtained and, when the celebrating calms down, the reality of not having a next big project begins to weigh on the spirits. Vacation has finally arrived. but upon getting home you find yourself faced with the reality of day to day life with no amazing thing to live for.

This morning as I sip my coffee and listen to a climbing podcast featuring two men who are finding the challenge of busy lives and aging bodies something they need to contend with, it took me back to this post road trip depressive mood. I too have many other responsibilities, and a body in menopause, and I can say the aging body part is no small thing. The real bottom-line gut bunch of menopause is that a loss of confidence or trust in my body and fear of it's continued decline, leaves me vulnerable when I consider a much bigger question...

What's the next big goal?
As an athletic person my whole life, it is hard to muster up any kind of inspiration and motivation for a big goal other than financial stability - especially in our current economic situation. It's hard to pick climbing goals because just trying to get back to what one used to be able to do off the couch is not very interesting or inspiring. Career goals are also a little bit hard when the average coach or climbing guru is still sending hard and can flaunt their action on instagram. I have spent my career as a climbing coach, writer, kinesiologist, teacher, and Yoga instructor. Expansion or becoming more well known seems more daunting when it cannot be backed up with athleticism.

Rod Stryker, in his book, The Four Desires, provides an exercise to try to help one get to the root of what one truly desires. The exercise involves the following steps:

1. On a piece of paper, spaciously write the following four words: money or means; pleasure or love, spiritual, and purpose.
2. Set yourself up in a relaxed and comfortable, open hearted and open minded way. Then meditate on the movement of your awareness between the front of the forehead to the mid brain linked with the inhale and the exhale. As you stay aware of the movement of awareness, the sensory experience becomes more vibrant and more blissful. Gradually a sense of peace and stillness unfolds. Rest in this peace and stillness. Rod offer's a beautiful guided meditation in the book or on the app - Sanctuary. Or you can find a guided version with me on this site. 
3. When you have embodied the peace and stillness, move your awareness to the part of you that instinctively knows what you need. This may be the gut, or the heart. Feel connected to your truth. Ask yourself, "Which of the four desires, if accomplished in the next 6-18 months, would best serve my highest purpose?"
4. Mind mapping activity.... Don't get in the way with logic and problem solving.

• Open your eyes and notice which word is most apparent to you. ​

• Write the word in the centre of a fresh page and draw a circle around the word. 
• Mind map the word. As you draw a line from the circle, put the first word that comes into your mind on the page. See my example in the image on the right.
• Continue until you have between 8-12 words.
• Using these words, allow the goal you wish to achieve come to the surface. 

Your goal will be the thing that feels hard and yet inspiring. It may even feel impossible, but to really seal the idea of the goal, imagine yourself having achieved the goal and what you are experiencing in that moment of accomplishment. Steep in the achievement and ask, "what did I just achieve?" Then make the goal SMART - specific, measurable, attainable, relevant to you, and something achievable in the next 6-18 months.  

There will always be some aspect of you which will work against you in the achievement of this goal. My desire to achieve hard grades was always disrupted by my fear of failing in front of others. If you read the entire book by Rod, there are more steps to the process to unearth how you will get in your own way. 
​The most important thing is that you will have some thought, some desire, which inspires you to keep moving forward in your life. To disrupt the mood of hopelessness.  Start small if you must, but start.