According to Miriam Webster's online dictionary, the word fair is defined as impartial or without discrimination. The problem with this definition is that it requires a definition of discrimination and impartiality because both words are influenced by the perspective of the person considering the application. For example, it may seem that discrimination has occurred to a particular person in a particular situation based on the impact it has on the person in question. However, one could also consider the situation through the lens of intentionality. If the results were the same and it is confirmed that there was no intention to cause harm to the person in question, rather to ensure fairness to others, then one may believe there was no discrimination. 

So how can we possibly know if a situation is fair if the definition is in the perspective?
Perhaps it doesn't really matter.
Perhaps it is more important to consider the future rather than ruminate on defining the past. After all, we cannot change the past decisions, we can only impact the future. 

A little challenge for you today... notice a situation where you believe it to be unfair. While noting your perspective, consider the root of what is unfair about the situation. Consider the perspective of the impact on others in the situation. Consider what the opposite outcome or the 'fair' outcome would mean for the other and ask yourself the same questions again. 

Then... what steps will you take now?

Enjoy this recent article published by Climbing Business Journal. 
Showing Up as an Imposter: 5 Tips from a Seasoned Instructor

The above diagram has been adapted from multiple sources. I was introduced to the primary source by Sonnie Trotter at his keynote talk at the 2025 Summit in Salt Lake City. I had the pleasure of attending his book launch event at Patagonia Halifax store and was reintroduced. The blue curve was extended on the left side in a downward arc in his representation. The idea is that we decide on some goal or aspiration and we are niave and unaware of the what it will take to get to the fruit of our endeavour. This could be some great route we wish to climb or it could just be as daunting as navigating a global pandemic. We don't know what we don't know, but if we are like some of the folks I know, you have a glass half full attitude about the prospect and you dive into the pursuit of the goal. Remember all the folks sharing their bread making recipes in 2020.

As things move along and we gain more insight into what this is really going to mean our enthusiasm for the pursuit begins to fade. We feel the heat of the challenge and begin to question our decision to pursue this goal. This stage in Sonnie's diagram was called conscious pessimism begins to arise and lead us downward to the pit of despair. In the pit of despair, decisions must be made. We can wallow around in the pit waiting to be saved, or numbing our experience with distractions, some just exit right to the next shiny thing and put the whole previous pursuit into some locked cabinet in the memory bank. This is indicated by the red dashed line in the diagram above.

The pitfalls are an opportunity to try harder. They give us a chance to ask for help, to stretch beyond what is comfortable. It is not as important how you get there - it could be a betrayal, an injury, or just bad luck - but it is a place where we decide who we want to become. Do we want to quit? Do we want to try harder?

Don't give up the day job and try to be something you are not. Start by implementing this higher level goal in your day to day pursuits. If I must share my wisdom, then I can spend a few hours a month to write something to help others. I can teach or lead whether I get paid for it or not. What you may find is that opportunities arise from the pursuit. And eventually you will continue to either be successful or learn in the process. 

As each athlete returned to isolation, their experiences was very much written on their faces. There were some faces marred in suffering and some with smiles. Some were very intense and others more relaxed. The coach in me wanted to support those feeling the suffering. I wanted to say, "breath in confidence, exhale doubt. Focus on the next route, forget the last one - let it go." 

In the world of yoga, these patterns of mind are called samskaras. The more we repeat a pattern of thinking, the stronger it gets. The more we contemplate self-doubt or a need to defend ourselves, the more we see a need to defend. The work then is to reframe, change the story. Where one may feel unsuccessful or they should have done better, one must reframe the narrative to focus on where they were successful or how there is a process of elimination or failure which informs success and thus this experience is necessary to becoming more successful.  In a nutshell, look to the process for answers, not the outcome. 

This works in social situations as well. A number of years ago, I was chastised by a family member. Some unkind things were said and I shut myself away from the person. However, that was only a temporary option because a large family gathering was planned. I considered how was I going to show up to this first encounter after these unkind words and difference of opinion. I did not feel I deserved the comments, and that my opinion mattered, but words from Wayne Dwyer came into my consciousness - be happy, not right.

To approach this person with the need to be right, validated in some way, I would not be happy. It would probably result in more conflict. I choose to consider our first encounter as an opportunity for positivity, happiness, and connection. I made it my mission to make people smile and engage in laughter. I meandered the family clan taking selfies with people and a focus on celebrating each of them.

I ended up having a pretty good time. I ended up with more connection and some great pics. The issue between this family member and myself was over, never spoke of again. Some may think I should have fought back, but one thing I have learned is the need to be right leads to war. Whether that is war within myself or with someone else. Focusing on connection leads to a truce at the very least. 

This cycle can be continual and we are constantly influenced by the external environment. The work in our lives is to learn how to be the master of our emotions - our attitude. By being able to truly influence the attitude we bring to each situation is what brings us more joy, more happiness. 

Last month I had the opportunity to go to Joe's Valley. I have wanted to go there for years. And the time had come. But I hesitated. The thoughts of not being in great climbing shape, the intimidation of how I would be perceived were causing me to think twice about whether it would a good idea to go. These critical thoughts were trying to keep me, or at least my self perception safe from being challenged. 

There are so many pieces are enfolded in this experience. There are the fears how we will be perceived, whether we will become injured, whether we will be successful, can we afford the expense. All of these pieces are rooted in fear and our actions could very be rooted in a need to self protect. 

Consider... who do I want to be in this world? What do I want to bring to others and to each experience?
We live in a world which constantly tells us to measure what we are getting - to judge where we fit and what we need to be happy. How would your experience be different if you focused on what you give to life? To do this successful one must assume a few important things:

• I belong here.
• I am loved.
• I am enough.
• I choose what I love.

I want to be a person who brings light and support to those around me. To myself. My choices, my thoughts about my experience then must include seeing the light in all things around me. 

This morning I stumbled across this article: Why Can't You Just Deal With It published in the New Yorker. Not only was it an amazing salve for my own suffering, it was just a lit bit inspiring. There is a reason that we can no longer tolerate discomfort - or that we are worse at tolerating discomfort. Our world has given us just about everything we desire when we desire it, to the point that when a plane has a mechanical issue we feel entitled to a brand new plane gassed up and ready to go to take its place. We do not do the additional mental leap to discern whether that thought is ridiculous. We do not consider what would the cost of our plane ticket need to be to have two planes sitting at the airport waiting for the same flight just in case something happened to the other plane. We want our discomfort ameliorated in some way. 

When I grew up you went berry picking and you would not be leaving until all the berries were picked and the bucket was full. There was no reward or prize, you just did it because it was expected of you and if you didn't pick berries, you would sit in the car and wait for it to get done. No reward, no remediation if you were unhappy. So you did what helped get you home faster... you picked the damn berries and enjoyed the pie later. When you are an eight year old, it is understandable to not be inspired to pick berries on a weekend. A child's goal is to play with your friends. A parent's goal is about feeding a family healthy foods in an economical way.

Getting outside the comfort zone is an essential first step. Sometimes we are willing to step out of the comfort zone to get some end result we long for and sometimes we wait to be pushed. I see this frequently with athletes who have to make changes to how they move in order to develop better strength in order to prevent injury. But taking a step backward and retraining differently is hard to do... it doesn't have the same rewards as pushing through to the next level or staying on the level we have conquered. The athlete who refuses to retrain will end up with one of two consequences... they will plateau in performance or they will get injured. Both lead to no longer participating for a period of time. 

Persistence is a effort applied over time. That means there are two key elements to persistence, time and effort. To be persistent one must expect to put in continuous effort and be patient for the results. I know I certainly suffer from the inability to be patient at times. Angela Duckworth would add that the effort applied must also be deliberate and with the intention for improvement or increased understanding. It is not just putting in time.

Acceptance is another big word thrown around the spiritual world. Sometimes there is no moving away. There is no fix. We cannot change the past, we can only move forward in this moment. As a human being I can tell you this has been a challenge. My son is off doing things I would rather he didn't, but he is an adult and he gets to make these decisions. As an aging person, my body's ability to do the things is could do are diminishing and it really doesn't make me very happy. So I can rally against these things or I can be with them as they are. I can sit with my son when I can and appreciate what I can do or be annoyed and upset by what I can't do. The same is true with anything in life. You can choose to see the good where you are or you can focus on what you resist. 

When you put your energy into resistance, you burn your fuel and perhaps you don't get where you want to go. I can put my energy into trying to change my son's mind and decisions, but that will probably not give me the relationship I want. I can put my energy into staying strong and the perfect body size despite menopause, but that is not going to mean I am happy. Because menopause is so much more than just body size, metabolism, and strength. It is also changing relationships, mental focus, relevance in ones career, it is gut biome, and so much more. And inevitably there will be death and quite probably illness before death no matter what I do about this menopause thing. Learning to make friends with where I am - that is the goal. The best athletes I have known have been able to make friends with where they are and just keep working from there. 

Persist some more once you make friends with where you are. Acceptance doesn't mean I should give up and wait to die. It means I book the flights to visit my son and plan fun with him while I can. It means I do the activities I enjoy while I physically can and I continue to eat properly and take care of myself as I can. It's all part of working with what you have when you are persisting. Working with folks who want to improve in a sport and balance family life and career, I would say the same thing... do what you can when you can and don't sacrifice the other things that matter too. 

There is no end. With mental toughness the game doesn't end when you get to the objective. The game continues with a next level objective. In other words, an objective is part of some much bigger picture goal which has a world reaching positive impact. The goal may be to reduce the numbers of people who suffer from cancer, one of the many objectives is to find a cure.

If your goals are small, they really won't be that meaningful or inspiring. Inspiration fuels persistence. If my desire for navigating menopause is to feel better, as soon as I start to feel better, I will stop persisting in the things that help me feel better. If my goal is to figure out how to best navigate menopause so I can help other women as they make this transition, then I am more likely to stay focused on doing the things which help and the continual discovery along the way. 

We named this condition post road trip depression, but really it is something anyone who achieves a huge goal will experience. The university degree is obtained and, when the celebrating calms down, the reality of not having a next big project begins to weigh on the spirits. Vacation has finally arrived. but upon getting home you find yourself faced with the reality of day to day life with no amazing thing to live for.

This morning as I sip my coffee and listen to a climbing podcast featuring two men who are finding the challenge of busy lives and aging bodies something they need to contend with, it took me back to this post road trip depressive mood. I too have many other responsibilities, and a body in menopause, and I can say the aging body part is no small thing. The real bottom-line gut bunch of menopause is that a loss of confidence or trust in my body and fear of it's continued decline, leaves me vulnerable when I consider a much bigger question...

What's the next big goal?
As an athletic person my whole life, it is hard to muster up any kind of inspiration and motivation for a big goal other than financial stability - especially in our current economic situation. It's hard to pick climbing goals because just trying to get back to what one used to be able to do off the couch is not very interesting or inspiring. Career goals are also a little bit hard when the average coach or climbing guru is still sending hard and can flaunt their action on instagram. I have spent my career as a climbing coach, writer, kinesiologist, teacher, and Yoga instructor. Expansion or becoming more well known seems more daunting when it cannot be backed up with athleticism.

Rod Stryker, in his book, The Four Desires, provides an exercise to try to help one get to the root of what one truly desires. The exercise involves the following steps:

1. On a piece of paper, spaciously write the following four words: money or means; pleasure or love, spiritual, and purpose.
2. Set yourself up in a relaxed and comfortable, open hearted and open minded way. Then meditate on the movement of your awareness between the front of the forehead to the mid brain linked with the inhale and the exhale. As you stay aware of the movement of awareness, the sensory experience becomes more vibrant and more blissful. Gradually a sense of peace and stillness unfolds. Rest in this peace and stillness. Rod offer's a beautiful guided meditation in the book or on the app - Sanctuary. Or you can find a guided version with me on this site. 
3. When you have embodied the peace and stillness, move your awareness to the part of you that instinctively knows what you need. This may be the gut, or the heart. Feel connected to your truth. Ask yourself, "Which of the four desires, if accomplished in the next 6-18 months, would best serve my highest purpose?"
4. Mind mapping activity.... Don't get in the way with logic and problem solving.

• Open your eyes and notice which word is most apparent to you. ​

Your goal will be the thing that feels hard and yet inspiring. It may even feel impossible, but to really seal the idea of the goal, imagine yourself having achieved the goal and what you are experiencing in that moment of accomplishment. Steep in the achievement and ask, "what did I just achieve?" Then make the goal SMART - specific, measurable, attainable, relevant to you, and something achievable in the next 6-18 months.  

There will always be some aspect of you which will work against you in the achievement of this goal. My desire to achieve hard grades was always disrupted by my fear of failing in front of others. If you read the entire book by Rod, there are more steps to the process to unearth how you will get in your own way. 
​The most important thing is that you will have some thought, some desire, which inspires you to keep moving forward in your life. To disrupt the mood of hopelessness.  Start small if you must, but start. 

You will never agree with everyone unless you make your world very small and only engage with someone who is exactly like you and you do not have any kind of deep conversation. To be in the world is to come up against challenge with the ideas others hold. Wanting to be right, wanting to change the mind of others is instinctive. If they join your thinking, you have been valued. Feeling valued, in turn, means safety.

We do not need to agree on the what we believe. It would be silly to think we all can agree on what we believe because nothing is ever black and white. There are varying degrees of grey and the grey is where the seed of our disagreement stems from. I believe that environmental sustainability is important. And I still book flights, drive a car fuelled by gas, and eat meat. All things that some environmentalists believe are killing our planet. Those environmentalists may not drive gas guzzling cars, but some might eat meat. Some might choose never to get on a plane, and do not eat meat or drive vehicles which run on gas. We each have a different expression of a belief.

How we express our opinions through words and actions will often make the difference in whether we influence anyone else positively or negatively. Yesterday, I was not skillful in how I experienced my opinion and today I am feeling the hangover of regret. My choice has influenced how I will be perceived and my future interactions with that person. More importantly, it is not how I want to be. I want to be more open to the ideas of others. I know that when I am not open to the ideas of others and I am so adamant about being right, it is coming from some broken part within me. When I feel my way is the only right way, I am feeling vulnerable and powerless and my need to be right is to give myself some sense of validation. 

How do I know? Because I am not a sociopath or a narcissist.
In the coming days, when you disagree with someone, consider their right to a different opinion which is informed by a very different experience than yours. Consider they have very different experiences informing their world. Ask yourself, "do I like who I am being in this exchange?" "How do I want to engage with others, even those I disagree with and how do I do that in this exchange?"
Bottomline: you have to know your opinion counts, but then if yours counts, then everyone else is entitled to an opinion too. If I have been a little too intense with you - know that it matters to me and I will work on me. 

The construction of the Khajuraho Yogini temple can be dated to approximately 885 CE.
The largest cell is facing north and is probably representative of Durga, the goddess of strength, power, and protection. Durga is believed to unleash her divine wrath against the wicked for the liberation of the oppressed, and entails destruction to empower creation.

Yesterday I chatted with a young person about her experience of loss of an identity as she transitions into adult responsibilities and different goals. As humanity, we are experiencing what feels like a lot of destructive forces. Fires and floods, the breaking of longstanding relationships. 

When I started climbing in 1991 or 92, I began as a trad climber, learning how to second a route and take out the protection as I climbed. Sport climbing, having prefixed anchors along the route was emerging and quickly my climbing partner turned toward bolting new routes. Along with this change from the purity of placing one's own protection to fixed protection can the performance gains. Risk was reduced and climbers could do harder moves with less chance of hitting the ground. There was push back and some folks, often referred to as old school climbers took it upon themselves to chop those bolts. 

​In a few short years the sport progressed to include those fringe bouldering activities that many had done for years but just called it practicing for real climbing. Now bouldering movement is less informed by technical movements and has evolved to be more dynamic and explosive, parkour. 

Humans like it when things become easier, more efficient and in turn, we believe we progress and get better. If humans did not have this innate desire, we would not be building skyscrapers and making fake currencies. We would not have dishwashers and cars for that matter. But we applaud progress toward more efficiencies and better results - no matter how we measure those results.

With this progress and the transitions come the resistance. Those who will chop the bolts on sport routes, the folks who fight against the degradation to the environment, and the creation of vaccines. Resistance is also the source of suffering.  Mel Robbins is expanding on the idea of Let them, reinforcing the notion that when you resist, you suffer. It's true. But more importantly, is the idea of Let ME. What can I control? If you were unfortunate to be held in a Nazi concentration camp, you could do nothing but Let them keep you there, starve you, and exterminate those who were weak. There was no control. No choice to stop the actions of Hitler and his minions. But there was still choice to express oneself in alignment with ones values in whatever way one could. 

How we express ourselves is a reflection of our values. If we value growth, then choose to grow within the confines of the current reality. Lamenting and staying stuck in the past is suffering and it will not change the future. If you value integrity, then act with integrity. If you value strength, then do what you need to do to be strong every single moment you can. If you are spending your time blaming, then you are stuck and what you value is being right, which is not the same thing as being helpful or being kind. It doesn't build connection or harmony.

Consider - what do you value? We may all value honesty, and yet some will value honest over connection, where for another person, connection takes a higher priority. To discover what you value most, I recommend taking a look at a Values Inventory Sheet or PDF. For example, Brene Brown has this one. Notice that the words are not necessarily action words, they can just be nouns, such as career or nature. When you read these types of words, think of the action that goes with the word, such as career may mean contribution to a greater good, or nature may be interpreted as being in nature or connectedness with nature. 

The next thing you want to do is just go down the list and select all the words that cause a response. If you see the word Independence and that has a strong attraction or grabs your attention, consider whether you mean being independent or do you resonant more with a word like strength or autonomy. Additionally, reconsider each word in the context of an action that is associated with it.

Once you have highlighted or noted the words you respond to, reread those words and look for commonality. For example, you may have selected independence and the word strength and there is a common thread for you with those two words. Group the words with common ground together. 

Now that the words are in groups, and hopefully you have managed to limit it to perhaps five or six groups, you will select one word or perhaps another word not in the initial inventory which best represents the group. For example, let's say I have grouped, adventure, exploring and learning all in one group. Perhaps what each of these words have in common for me is being challenged. Then I would headline the group as Being Challenged or Confronting Challenge. 

Once you have completed this step, you should have no more than five of your top values. Think of these values in terms of action. What action does this value represent to you? Integrity may represent being honest or it may represent being respectful. It's subtle but one may resonant more strongly than the other. 

Now use Mel Robbins advise... consider a situation where you feel yourself resisting what is happening. It may be the words of someone on a social media platform, it may be the expectations you are feeling from a boss or colleague. Let's say I am resisting the six more weeks of winter prediction made by Lucy the Lobster here in Nova Scotia on Groundhog day. Let Lucy and Shubenacadie Sam have their opinion. Let ME, work with my value of tackling challenge with creating ways to act during the six more weeks of winter. I will challenge myself to get out on the trail in my warmest attire and cross country ski today, hike tomorrow, snowshoe the day after. I will challenge myself with ways to warm up from the inside doing warming Yoga postures and bandhas work. Basically, I am changing my view to what I can control. I am operating from a place that fulfills me or gives me a sense of empowerment and that is the only thing I can do at any time.

Let me know what you choose.

Viktor Frankl wrote, "What is to give light must endure burning." In other words, to bring light into this world, one must endure a little heat or in yogic terms, tapas. To have a child, one must endure the pain of childbirth and the heat of raising and loving a child and the knowing you must let them become their own person. And yet, sometimes events come our way, we are dealt cards which scorch us and to come through we must enduring the burning. 

Bessel van der Kolk defines trauma as "an overwhelming experience that leaves you in a state of befuddlement and helplessness. Like if you're unable to do something to protect yourself, to activate your fight-or-flight response. Then, a pathway gets activated of helplessness and collapse."
Are we ever truly helpless? Or do we just perceive we are helpless? Is there really nothing we can do?
Imagine those in a concentration camp, no choice. Constant fear of both death and continued living. But some did choose to live. Some did attempt to survive. They did not collapse. 

Where does one find the power to choose life. Life is not easy. Life has its moments of joy, and love. But it also has many moments of suffering. The spiritualists find reasons and faith that it is all for some higher purpose. The pragmatists find fortitude in the wisdom of "keep calm and carry on." 
There is always a choice.
Each day you get out of bed, you choose to get out of bed. When you chooses to brush your teeth, you are choosing. What you choose defines, becomes the foundation of the future choices. We can choose to have a optimism or pessimism. We can pay attention to our power to choose or to feel helpless.
True power is the recognition there is a choice even when we may not like the options.
Choose wisely today.