Reinvention - it's a process

Last week, the evidence of water damage began to emerge on the hardwood floor. This would not do. So in a quest to get to the bottom of it, things had to be taken apart. Sometimes, it isn't water damage we see, it is choices, behaviours that create more difficulties for us that are the evidence of need to investigate and change.
In a recent phone call, I recognized the feelings of anger which began to arise. In the early hours of the morning, thoughts would arise shaking me awake with a furious disposition. A healing meditation, yoga Nidra, and those thoughts were still there with the compulsion to race, to move my body in a physically demanding way. But even the exertion did not rid me of the disturbance. 
Not fit for human consumption is what I know when these strong emotions arise.

Navigating these tumultuous emotions is ​not easy, no more so than navigating grief. In fact, these emotions are born from a similar experience. A loss. A recognition of something lost which can never be retrieved. The stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Denial is navigated with the effort of over productivity and moving forward, moving on quickly and ignoring the impact, and the feelings that come with the impact. The predominant of these feelings is the fear of the unknown. What's next? What if?

Hence cutting down a tree, rearranging and tidying the garage, fixing the seal under the toilet. And over productivity at work. Moving energy in a rigorous and purposeful way to create a sense of satisfaction, a sense of meaning and safety. But still percolating under the surface is the lack of understanding and the fear.
Anger arises at the drop of a hat. The dog needing to sniff every bush and slowing the run. The wind knocking over the flower pot, the other travellers on the road. Resistance to what is and being furious about what used to not bother or annoy. But what is skillful when one feels anger, even righteous anger. Is it appropriate to express ones thoughts? Or continue to hold them to oneself?
Probably the later in most cases. One can be right, one can be angry about the words or actions of someone else AND saying so may not make any difference except to cause more separation. Or it may be the first step of healing. But first the intention must be to spark healing. Which means one should probably not speak until on gets to acceptance.

Speaking from the position of bargaining is not a position of strength. It is a position of desperation.
Depression is waiting in the wings. Perhaps already weaving tendrils of thoughts of loss through the bargaining and the fear. All these stages weaving through each other as one finds new normal.

As Pema Chodron says, the practices are designed to help when we lose ground. The action then, in this moment is to practice.