The Power of Not Knowing

Recently I saw a post from someone presenting what they believe to be scientific evidence to support a belief and I noticed my resistance to the conclusions that were being presented. My thoughts began to mount a defence of a counter argument. I sought out the evidence where what they presented was questionable, and whether their conclusions and actions based on that evidence was right. In other words, I went to war. The result was a very difficult meditation, a sense of not wanting to run into the person who posted the idea.

Years ago while driving around New England taking my son to explore potential colleges, we got into a discussion about politics. We had different ideas about a particular candidate. The last thing I wanted was to become estranged from my son. So I thought to myself, listen to what he has to say, after all, he may know more then I do. 

I listened and I learned a few things I did not know. I learned a few things about my son and his thoughts and feelings, motivations. And I learned a few things about politics and the state of the world. 

I still listen. There are times I wonder if he listens to me with the same curiosity I am willing to bring to our differing ideas, but that is for him to decide. My lane, my business is how I show up with people whose opinions, thoughts differ from my thoughts. I want people to listen to my ideas. In turn then, I should be willing to listen to their ideas.

I value integrity, growth and harmony. The moment I am with people who are not curious, who do not value the ideas of others, I feel unsafe. You see, when we tell others they are wrong, the message is often perceived as an insult to the person, not the idea. This puts us at odds. The result is separation at best, and active combat at worst. Listening to what someone thinks doesn't mean agreeing with the ideas. It means we are open to learning. We are curious. We value the person's right to see things differently.

However, I am also very much confronted with a problem...It is not very comfortable to admit I don't know what is true. But then it is also not very comfortable to be at war with people either. It actually takes a lot of strength to be willing to say, "I don't know. I am curious what you have to say." It means being willing to have your thoughts change and that can be very destabilizing for people. Especially humans who are creatures of habit. Human brains like to know, knowing creates safety.

What would happen if you questioned some deep-seated belief? The other night I was challenged to see becoming a crone as a beautiful transition and I am still questioning whether I agree. But at least being open to the question, I will not lose connection with the people who suggested the idea. What relationship could you heal by being curious and looking for more information about their way of thinking about something?