This quote by Arthur C Brooks made me consider the allure of climbing. For folks who enjoy climbing, or the movement of one's body, there is often the satisfaction of completing a route previously thought not achievable. This satisfies two of the three elements of happiness. 

Where is the meaning? Where is the sense of purpose?

For myself, the meaning came in being able to support others in the pursuit of their goals or their personal satisfaction in climbing. As a coach, a person who ran a gym that offered instructional programming, setting routes that perhaps inspired the goals, meaning was derived. 

I was an athlete, a climber who also coached. I pursued the next level continuously seeking the satisfaction in my accomplishments. I found enjoyment in being outdoors, moving my body, unlocking the secrets to improving my performance and then found meaning in sharing that information with others. I was happy with my life.
Then I became a mother. I still found enjoyment in climbing, I found satisfaction in pursuing performance goals, and I found meaning in coaching and working in the world of climbing. But now my attention was divided. I also found great enjoyment in time with my child, a sense of achievement as he reached his milestones in growth. I found meaning in providing him with love and a sense of safety, playfulness, and his exploration of the world. 

I recall an afternoon standing in my room, looking at clothing provided to me by a sponsor. I considered how committed I was now to being an athlete. I considered how I defined myself more as a mother than as an athlete. I knew I wasn't as committed to the sport, not as much as I was committed to being a mom. It was a defining moment of letting go of myself as an athlete, grieving a part of me that was not completely gone, but certainly lessened. I was now someone different.

Our lives are made up of different personas we wear for a time and then outgrow. As we grow and change, so too do the things that bring us enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. My son is now an adult living his own life and have experienced the grief of not being needed as a mom in the same way as when he was young. Pursuing the next hard route is no longer as enjoyable when it involves a slow process and a lot of physiotherapy. Achievements on the physical pursuit aspect of life is a maintenance slog more than what I would call growth and I enjoy growth. Meaning is a little harder to come by when the sport participants define a good coach as someone who still climbs hard and the level of difficulty just keeps getting higher. 

This has left me letting go of yet another persona and grieving it's loss. Forging a new path to finding happiness through different expressions of enjoyment, finding achievement in learning new skills, and unearthing new ways to serve others has not been that easy. I know I will always find ways to share what I understand, that feels like a must for me... hence you are reading of my experience. 

Now, I do not claim to be the best at anything and in fact, I would hazard that I could definitely do better at a good deal of things, including this idea of acceptance. Striving for better kills the very baby steps of acceptance of what is and this has caused a great deal of suffering.

Resistance to things I do not like has created a great deal of suffering. I feel like I have been in training to be better at acceptance for a very long time. In 2018 I suffered a concussion which meant I was unable to just go work in the garden, or exercise. Getting my heart rate up meant headaches. I couldn't watch shows on my computer or read. I had to just sit quietly, no entertainment. It was hard. I just wanted to be healthy, I wanted to exercise. I wanted to do all kinds of things and yet, so many of those things would bring on headaches. Doing better meant walking softly, slowly along the beach. Doing better meant no computer, no books, just being. 

I felt hopeless. What is the point of living if I can't really live?!?! Consider the idea that to me living is pushing, challenging myself and suddenly I was in a place where that meant worse performance, worse experience. I did not realize it, but this was a little prelude to what aging means. No matter how disciplined I am, I will never turn my grey hair back to brown. I will never get that youthful, wrinkle- free look to my face again. My muscles will never develop as quickly and as powerfully as they once did.

When I have expressed the depressive thoughts that came with this realization, I would hear all kinds of placating comments like, "you just need to focus on doing what you can." While perhaps this is true, it is bypassing the grief that comes with the realization of the loss. Loss is loss, and one must go through the stages of grief. Initially I resisted and denied. I struggled to find meaning in a life with less potential. I was depressed and stepped back from so many things, people. Someone recently asked me what is next for me and I really had no answer. Slowly thoughts have percolated and brought forth some concrete ideas and with that comes hope and a resurgence of energy. Perhaps being better can be tempered into being open, willing to explore what the future brings. 

As so much of nature does in springtime, planting new seeds will provide an opportunity to move forward with grace.

In recent weeks a number of things have riled up my stubborn anger rooted in the fear of not being seen or valued. I have started and restarted this blog post numerous times, and stopping short of posting anything with the reminder, "if I don't have anything nice to say, it is better to not say anything at all."

Today I was reminded of something else... I may perceive things in a way others do not. It's not their fault or issue they do not see it the way I do. Likewise, I am not seeing their perspective. That is no fault of mine. We are all limited in how we perceive by the experiences we have had. 

A gentleman spectating my dance quietly asked, "did you think it was a snake?"
You are darn right that is what my brain perceived when the stick hit the back of my leg. A different day, a different location, or if I hadn't encountered a rattle snake, I might not have danced at all. 

Everything happening in our world today is perceived through the lens of what we are looking for, or expecting. Unfortunately, our brains are naturally wired to critique and look for the problems. So we see problems. I am wired to protect myself from being bitten by a snake, when in an area where there are snakes, the sensation of unexpectedly being hit by something from the ground caused me to perceive snake! - danger! - self-protect!
But I was not in danger. I did not need to protect myself. 

Wandering around expecting, looking for where things will go wrong is the root of the high levels of anxiety we all experience around us these days. 

Here is a challenge...
Step 1: When you feel anxious or stressed, or even just as you lay in bed preparing to sleep, bring your awareness to your belly and take a breath that flow through the nostrils and all the way down to the belly.
Step 2: As you exhale, slow the release of breath and be gentle as you release the breath. Repeat this a few times.
​Step 3: Then allow yourself to remember what is causing distress and ask these questions: 

• Can I absolutely be certain what I am believing is true?
  
• How might this work for me?
• How do I want to be in this moment?

Here is an example: Someone says something and I perceive they do not value me or they are saying something negative about me. This brings up feelings related to a fear of not being valued.
Immediately focus on my breath... deep breath in all the way to the belly and focussing on a slow exhale. I even count - inhale for 4, exhale for 6 or 8 counts.
When I sense being more calm, I consider what transpired and I ask can I be absolutely certain I am being targeted and devalued? I consider whether there may be something I am not aware of. I don't know what kind of day this person is having, or perhaps I am hearing the statement out of context. 
Then I ask how might this situation work for me. Perhaps there is a kernel of truth in the feedback. Perhaps there is an opportunity to adjust how I act. Perhaps there is an opportunity to create better boundaries with this person.
Third question is designed to allow me to identify who I want to be and what I can control. There will always be haters, but I can choose not to give them the power to influence my perspective about myself. I can choose what is best for me, or what I need in the moment. And it may well be to change my behaviour, knowing I do it for me. 

What feels like a different lifetime ago for me, on November 23, 1998, Dan Osman used a climbing rope to jump from height in Yosemite National Park. He died. His rope had been exposed to the elements for a period of time which may have impacted the integrity of the gear. His rope also ran across another rope line causing the rope to melt and break. Dan Osman left behind a young daughter when he, himself was still young. I recall at the time being angry, or perhaps merely disappointed with him. It was a reckless choice and what I considered to be the wrong choice. There have been many other climbers who have participated in things I would consider unwise and to some degree selfish. Or are they?

Fast forward to 2018, almost 20 years later, when I studied Yoga for Fulfillment with Rod Stryker, a training which would later become called The Four Desires. The premise of this work is that we each have a mighty purpose to fulfill in this lifetime and the great yoga sages note that this purpose is what gives our life meaning. As I reflected on the meaning of my life, I could not help but also ask myself, "were these death defying actions taken by Dan Osman, Dean Potter their dharma - their might purpose? Did these choices give their life meaning? 

Now in 2025, my own son has chosen a career that may likely put himself in danger for a cause he strongly believes in. Alex Honnold has won an Oscar for his ascent of El Capitan in Yosemite, and just yesterday/today solo climbed (no ropes) the tallest skyscraper in Taipei. Are these actions, choices to risk his life, his mighty purpose? Does he have to do these things to feel his life has meaning? Do these reckless people believe that in the pursuit of their purpose, those watching, reading about it are in some way inspired to be more courageous? Or perhaps they are not really concerned about whether these pursuits are lauded. 

Purpose and meaning are interesting concepts because what one person deems as a worthy pursuit may simply seen as narcissistic, or at the very least, crazy, by another person. After many iterations of the Four Desires, I see my own purpose as challenging folks to be better, do better, try harder. I know some people who have sought me out for coaching believe what I do is awesome. While others, see what I try to do as impatient, judgemental, mean spirited, or perhaps unhelpful. 

Life is a gift. How we use this gift is essential to our own mental health and to the world as a whole. I don't know if the actions of these famous climbers is self serving or meant to serve the world. That is not mine to question. I know for many who choose careers that may put them in harms way, the motivation is often to serve others, and for those humans, I am deeply grateful. 

Now - what is your motivation for the things you do? Simply look at your choices, ask yourself the question - what is motivating me to do this work? If you're a parent, ask yourself, what values am I trying to imprint in my child(ren)? What gives me that feeling of an earned accomplishment, excitement, passion fulfilled?  What do I want to create, share, master with this life? 

Remember... there are many distractions, side roads, and wrong turns. But at the end of all your days, what you won't regret is the truest expression of your Self... not the ego self, the big s Self.

In the climbing gym, route setters set routes with the intention of not being partial to one climber over another, but they are. They cannot help but be unfair because of the variety of body types and sizes that are getting on those routes make it impossible to make everyone climb it the same way. The shorter climber is going to have to do something different than the taller climber. The more powerful climber is going to have a different experience than the weaker climber. The more flexible climber has more options in terms of movements than the less flexible person.  

To achieve this positive and rewarding environment for me to workout I took the following steps.

• I turned my garage into a workout space with mats on the floor, free weights, hang boards, a skipping rope, crash pads, and resistance bands.
• I bought a medicine ball which I ferociously throw against a crash pad venting pent up agitation and anger.
• I have lots of options on what I can work on to prevent boredom.
• I have encouraged others to join me and we have a regular workout schedule.
• I track what I am doing so I can easily see my gains.
• I only allow myself to do 40-45 min of high intensity hard work on fewer days a week. This is key to maintaining my physical wellbeing.
• I determined what I would stop doing in order to have time for these workouts.
• I pay attention to my body's needs. I always start with mobility and when I am feeling cooked, I go back to mobility.
• I laugh every time I find that place my body just cannot execute the move.

All of these little things have made it easier to actually go and do the workouts. Most of these things have made it more fun. As I look out my window at the sleet, I am actually grateful I have exercise to do inside rather than have to do anything outside or away from home.

Humans are creatures of habit. Changing habits is not as easy and seamless as we may like. That's another great reason we want it to be fun, engaging, passionate, joy-filled. When we set those New Year's goals, we definitely need to bring some resilience to staying on track. Resilience is made up of a multitude of ingredients.
Challenge is the essential ingredient. If we are not challenging ourselves, we are not asking ourself to be resilient. Whatever you want to do to build resilience, it must be outside the comfort zone. 
Health and wellbeing are key to allowing us the fortitude to meet the challenge. Sleeping well, eating as well as we can, improving or maintaining our flexibility are all important to wellbeing. Breathing well is critical. How? Breathe into the belly to relax and soften the mental grip, reduce cortisol. Full sighing exhale allows for relaxation. Breathing in the rhythm of the physical exertion helps me focus and put skillful effort into the effort. Using proper form reduces my risk of injury. It's about how I execute a skill, not the "score" of skill. 
Connection and sharing what I am doing with others makes it more interesting and engaging. It also allows me to laugh at myself and lighten my mental intensity about being productive and getting things done. Being better is a bit of thing for me to grapple with and when I am mentally all about being better, I am intense and purposeful. Things are less fun. Too serious.
Cognitive and emotional strength provides the right attitude and problem solving skills needed to be in the discomfort and persist. I cannot emphasize enough how important developing cognitive and emotional strength is to being able to be outside the comfort zone. With a son in the military, this ingredient has had to move high on my priority list. I worry about him. I cannot control his decisions and I definitely, more than anything, want to stay connected to him. I have to focus on optimism. I have to be curious. I have to listen and pay attention. I have to have compassion and understanding and step aside of my own opinions and feelings to see things in a broader way. Perspective changes everything. 
Confidence is necessary to try and it is a reward of trying. The first day I was going to try a box jump, I was intimidated. I was afraid of falling and failing. What would it say about me if I can't do this jump would crush me. I took a deep breath and gave it my best shot with proper padding to protect me should I fail, and I was successful. Now, just a week later, I am trying it with a weight vest. I went climbing and tried hard, something I haven't done in a very long time. 

What about you?
Where have you been forced into your own hero's journey in 2025? And what new skills, wisdom are you taking into 2026?

Life is not meant to be easy. It is meant to be a continuous growth,

Recently I have found myself in an interesting conundrum trying to determine the best course of action. Let's say I take option A. That means I remove myself from a position of being able to have a say. I could end up the winner, or I could lose it all. Option B means I maintain the power I have at least potentially. It has been a tough decision and I cannot help but notice how much of the decision is being influenced by the fear of losing it all. Debating with others the value of option B makes me very aware of choosing to stay in the shadows. 

I sat with the feelings this situation provoked. I realized was my reaction was born from a collage of beliefs, all wrapped in negativity. Belief about my own abilities, belief about how I am perceived. Belief about the other people involved in this situation. Belief about what this all means.

And yet it was all just thoughts that I could not possibly know were true. I could not know if everything I was thinking was accurate because so much of it was in the minds of others. I was choosing to believe in the perspective I was under attack and needed to defend myself. 

The greatest athletes I have known are able to see the possibility in a moment. I am not sure if they just have less concern about others, or if they have greater confidence in themselves. A great athlete takes a moment of defeat and uses it to learn, or to improve the future moments. That's the real winning... being in a growth mindset as much as possible.

This week I awoke one morning with a head cold. Sinus filled and runny nose, sneezing, coughing and general malaise. I had a couple of work calls on my schedule and I spent the morning trying to feel better and decide if I should call in sick. One thought that struck me was, there are many who call in sick with the slightest sniffle, it is not the end of the world. I was trying to justify not attending the calls so I would not feel bad.

​I grew up with the knowledge that we, my siblings and I, would not go home until we had picked enough blueberries to fill the Colonel Sanders Kentucky Fried Chicken family bucket. We were not allowed to go out until homework was complete and chores were done. We needed to commit our weekend to helping with stacking firewood - all 3 cords.  We were raised by a woman who lived through the tail end of the depression in a home with a father away working and 6 children, half of whom were younger than she was. My father was raised and worked on a dairy farm and was making money selling belts when he was in his early teens.

This upbringing taught me to value a strong work ethic and to prioritize getting things done and getting them done right before play and rest. I am grateful. This value has allowed me to be successful in all my pursuits be they physical pursuits as an athlete, academic pursuits, and professional pursuits. You see, the willingness to be uncomfortable and keep going is essential to doing the next level, whatever that next level is for you in the moment you are in.